Why I believe.

Recently in our college class at church, we have been discussing practical evangelism. As in, 'how can I Stacie Lawrence, as a female 19 year old college student in Richmond, KY at EKU share Christ and His love with those around me?'

The best advice our teacher gave us was to become comfortable talking about how God is working in our lives. He said everyday to reflect and write down how God has worked in our life that day. This helps to make our beliefs more concrete in our own minds, making it easier to share with others. Our teacher also suggested we know what we believe and why we believe it. He said it has to be personal. It has to be real. It has to be unique to each person.  I must be able to say with all sincerity and conviction here is what I believe and here is why I believe it.

What I believe:
I believe God created this amazing world for us, His children, to live in.
I believe He created us with desire to know Him and serve Him, whether we choose to accept that or not.
I believe He sent His only Son to die as a sacrifice for our selfish sins.
I believe my sin hung Jesus on the dreadful cross.
I believe that I am unworthy of forgiveness, but...
I believe that I am forgiven, saved, and redeemed because...
I believe God provides unending grace and mercy when I fail.
I believe that I fail constantly, but...
I believe that God loves me unconditionally.
I believe that God knew me before I was formed in the womb.
I believe that God has a special and unique plan for me, my life, and my service to Him.
I believe that God's divine plan will include His guidance, protection, love, and mercy as long as I am willing to follow Him.
I believe that I am so amazingly blessed to know the Lord and trust in His plan for me, even when I am scared of what the future my hold.
I believe that in the crazy storms of life, He is my rock, my shelter, and my safety.
I believe God provides daily blessings in my life.
I believe God allows me to be tested and tried for the furtherance of the gospel and the growth of my faith and relationship with Him.
I believe that if I follow Him, I will receive rewards and blessings here in this life, but more importantly in the next.
I believe that one day I will live with Him eternally, singing His praises, dancing around His throne, and laughing with unending joy and happiness.
I believe Heaven is real.
I believe God is great, God is love, God is mine. And I am His.

Why I believe:
The WHAT is easy, but the WHY can be a bit tricky... Yes, history provides very real records and accounts of Jesus' earthly mission and the following of His apostles and other believers. While that confirms my beliefs and provides me with more confidence to spread that news to others, it isn't why. That isn't what's real to me. That isn't what has personally affected my life. That isn't what helps me through my daily life. That isn't who I pray to. That isn't who I cry to. That isn't who saved me. What I believe may seem irrational or illogical to some people. I believe because of what I see every day in my life. I believe because of my circumstances. I believe because it's my faith. It's my story. Just me and God.

I believe because I learned about Jesus before I could talk.
I believe because I sang the B-I-B-L-E in nursery class when I was two years old.
I believe because mommy and daddy taught me to pray.
I believe because of the 'salt lady' story in our old, musty, Bible story book that still sits on the family bookcase.
I believe because I watched many people come to Christ and be baptized when all I knew was that there was a small pool at the front of the audotorium.
I believe because of the examples of family, love, and living a God-centered life from my parents.
I believe because I had a strong conscience from the time I was 8, when I remeber crying over the first lie I ever told.
I believe because when I was scared, I prayed, and God calmed my spirit.
I believe because of the Bible verse book that is inscripted, "To my sweet Stacie... Love Grandma".
I believe because I watched my daddy baptize my big sister when I was six.
I believe because after years of prayer from my family, my Grandad was saved during his fifties and has been forever changed.
I believe because after seeing so many wonderful examples my faith became my own...
I believe because at 11:30 pm on August 23, 2007, I was baptized with my closest friends and family surrounding me and singing "Sing and Be Happy".
I believe because I've been through many trials through which God never left my side.
I believe because I suffer from medical conditions that would leave someone without God questioning their existence and sanity, but I don't because I have found peace in Jesus.
I believe because God speaks to me through music, books, His word, and those around me.
I believe because I have the kind of friends who pray with me and for me.
I believe because my heart is still beating and my limbs are still attached.
I believe because God has removed people from life who didn't have the same ultimate goal as me.
I believe because God brings people into my life who do have the same ultimate goal as me.
I believe because God uses my parents, my sister, my friends, and church family to strengthen my faith.
I believe because God has guardian angels all around me - I am convinced.
I believe because even though I continually fail, God forgives me and brings me peace.
I believe because though I ache daily, God tells me He has something planned that will make all of this suffering more than worth it.
I believe because when I am weak, He lifts me up.
I believe because when I feel as though I can't get any lower, He shows me a verse, a song, an encouraging word, or a friend to be my strength.
I believe because He has put great desires in my heart to work for Him and help His children.
I believe because He has brought me to a wonderful church family, where I have never been happier.
I believe because things I perceived as bad at the time, He later revealed that He was protecting me from something much worse.
I believe because He dries my tears when I cry over and over and over again.
I believe because though I have turned my back on him countless times, He has never turned His back on me.
I believe because of the little things he does every day to show me that he loves me.
I believe because of the family he has blessed me with, the friends he has sent into my life, and the love they have for me.
I believe because I see that He allows my suffering to be an encouragement to others.
I believe because he gave a lot of people the calling to be doctors and surgeons... the same doctors and surgeons who aid in giving me a better quality of life.
I believe because I have faith that someday I will live with Him in Heaven... in a brand new body.
I believe because every single day of my life, God holds my hand and my heart.
I believe because in Christ, I have an inexpressible joy... Not always happiness, but joy that just can't be replaced by anything else.
I believe because when I think of surgery, my future, or death, I now feel peace.
I believe because I feel freedom in Christ.
I believe because I'm not perfect, but He loves me anyway.
I believe because although I don't always choose Him, He always chooses me. Over and over and over again.

I believe.
I believe.
I believe. 

Embracing angels

A lot of not so great things happened today.

I started the day off with terrible stomach pains.
My professor told me my writing assignment was unacceptable and I have to rewrite it.
My knee began hurting around 10 am and hasn't stopped yet... at 10 pm.
I forgot to do homework over spring break for Spanish class. (I would just like to take this moment to ask, WHO assigns homework over spring break...?)
I was exhausted all day despite the fact that I went to bed early last night.
I have been on an emotional roller coaster all week.

Bad day, right?

But you know what, some good things happened today too.

My stomach pains went away.
I get to rewrite my assignment for full credit.
Only one knee is hurting, not both.
I did an extra credit assignment last month in Spanish that will probably cover the missed homework.
I wasn't as tired as I would have been had I stayed up any later last night.
Some emotions are happy, some are sad, some are angry... But joys are so much sweeter after going through struggles.


Sometimes it's all in the perspective you have in life. Sort of like a glass half empty or half full metaphor, only not so cheesy and cliche.

As an added bonus, I made an A on my Biology test, had lunch with my sister and good friend, had another friend spend a few minutes listening to me and offered some encouraging words, and I explored a new restaurant with yet another friend who was able to lift my spirits.

Earlier today I was almost in tears over several of these unfortunate events, but God sprinkled some encouragement throughout my day as well. He has placed so many compassionate and loving people in my life to pick me up when I am down. A hug from Jesus would solve all my problems, ailments, and make me completely healthy and happy. But since I can't have a physical hug from Jesus just yet, He has placed some angels, my friends, in my life to hold me over until I get to meet Him face to face.

Life Without Limits

Let me tell you about the most inspirational person I know. Okay, I don't know him... But if he ever speaks on this side of the globe, I think I will find a way to that place. Nick Vujicic. Many of you may know him as the man with no arms and legs, but he is so much more than that.

This man is a follower of Christ, loves people, and uses his extraordinary story to share hope, courage, and God's love with people all over the world. I am currently reading Nick's first book, "Life Without Limits". Although I have not even finished the book yet, I have found so much inspiration from this amazing man. Not only has he accomplished so many things people would say are impossible for a man with no limbs, but he has become a spokesperson about living despite your struggles.

Of course as someone who suffers from various medical conditions, I always love hearing stories from others who fight their own medical battles. People often tell me that when they have a bad day, they just think of what I have to go through. While I feel great that my problems assist in keeping things in perspective for others, I don't feel like I have it that bad. Neither does Nick Vujicic. He doesn't even give you the chance to feel sorry for him because I bet he could kick a lot of people's butts in soccer or swimming. I know he could mine.

So no matter what struggles we face, we can overcome them. We can find a way to do things we never thought possible. We can learn to embrace our differences and our challenges and use them as a way to reach others and spread hope and courage.

I don't feel my story is nearly as inspirational as Nick's, but who knows, maybe someday I will have the opportunity to inspire somebody the way that Nick Vujicic has inspired me.

Healing from within

People always ask how they can pray for me. I understand, people like specific requests. I do too. In fact, I always ask for very specific prayers anytime I am heading to an appointment, having some medical issues, or whatever it may be. But sometimes prayer requests are general too.

The one I tell people most often is to pray for my healing. Now while that may seem to be pretty specific, I believe God could bring healing in so many different ways. I could have one of multiple different surgery options, my pain could be relieved, we could find new medication, new doctors, new treatment options, new research for me to be tested under, my aneurysm just shrinking... or maybe it is a healing from within.

Always when I have asked friends and family to pray for my healing I have meant it in a physical sense. Until recently that is always how I prayed for myself. About three weeks ago, I briefly spoke to my friend's mom about a book she had loaned me. In this book, the author is dealing with her own various medical conditions that leave her unable to lead a 'normal' life, but completely able to glorify God with her beautiful attitude towards life. She had to work for that attitude... She said before anything could happen physically, she needed to experience healing from within - a spiritual healing. I believe that this is what I need as well.

Everyone always compliments me on how well I handle what I have been dealt in this life. While I try to be happy and strong, I don't always succeed. Sometimes I find myself angry because I can't do what everyone else does. I get sad because I am overwhelmed with the trials of a normal 19 year old college student and then have medical conditions piled on top. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. But that is no way to live. 

Overall am I happy? Most definitely. Do I try to not let these trials get me down? Of course. Do I always succeed? No. No I do not. But that's okay because I am not finished. I'm still working on becoming all that created me to be. While some people would say this is random, chance, or just life, I say they are mistaking. I firmly believe I am in this particular situation because it is exactly where God wants me to be. I don't understand the reasoning yet, but I know someday that either in this life or the next God's purpose and plan will be revealed.

So until then, I have to keep pressing forward towards my calling - to live this life for my Heavenly Father. Will it be easy? Not at all. Can I do it? I believe with God's help and the continued prayer and support of my friends and family great things can come from my struggles. I can be healed from the inside out.

So for those of you who pray for my physical healing, thank you so much. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for your prayers, friendship, love, and support. But if you would like to add "healing from within" when you pray for me, I would appreciate that as well.

I'm struggling, but I'm not afraid to share that. Because as a child of God, I know I am not perfect, but I have Christ's perfect sacrifice to make up for that. So I won't give up. I'll keep living and searching for my reason and purpose in this life. I will keep thanking God for each breath I have been given.

I just need a little clarity.

Have you ever prayed for God to show you the right door to walk through, the best path to take, or the best decision to make? Yeah, me too. But sometimes the more I pray for clarity, the more confused I become. Lines blur together, my head and heart fight over what to do, and I just want to give up. I beg God to show me the "right" decision never even considering that maybe I am not going to get a clear answer...

"When the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for three months at "the house of the dying" in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how best to spend the rest of his life. On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa. She asked, "And what can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him. "What do you want me to pray for?" she asked. He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States: "Pray that I have clarity."

She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." When he asked her why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God." (walk-this-way.com)

Wow. Just wow is all I have to say. When I was struggling with a very difficult decision, this story was told on K-Love radio. Even though I have never heard God speak in an audible voice, I firmly believe He uses other people and things to speak to my heart. 

So while I may still not have the clarity I am looking for, I can have peace and trust in the One who made me and knows my heart. I may not always get an immediate answer, but I always have hope of God's plan falling into place, one step at a time.