I have been 20 for one full week now. Each year, I expect to feel an overwhelming difference between the age I once was (five minutes ago) and the age I currently am (my old age plus five minutes). Each year, I am slightly disappointed when I realize that nothing has changed... or so it seems. That's the strange thing about time: day to day nothing seems to change, but when you look back, everythibg is different. So as I reflect on my 19th year of life, three major themes come to mind...
She was stronger thn she ever imagined.
I am a strong person. I know this. I believe this. Now, at least. When you're walking through a trial, you don't realize the strength you need or have to get through it. Once it is over and you reflect to what once was, you realize the incredible battles you faced, the feats you won, and the confidence you gained in the process. Never for a minute would I believe that I did it alone. God gave me the strength and the will to push through whatever I faced. My family and friends provided shoulders to lean on and a hand to hold when I didn't think I could do it alone. I could never do it alone.
In the past year, I've had many "adventures" as mom and I like to call them. I started my second, third, and fourth semesters of college. I got a job. I made new friends. I joined clubs. I was in the homecoming court. I went to Baltimore, Hershey, and New York. I experienced heart break. I was in a car accident. I had dozens of medical tests. I fell. I got up. I cried. I laughed. I grew. I became strong.
Jesus was closer than she ever realized.
I wish I would have always known how close Jesus was to me and my situation. I now know that Jesus has his hands in every situation. When I pray, I often use that same wording: that God will place His hands on the person or situation, make His presences known, and send His angels for protection. I believe He hears me and I believe He does. God is here. He listens. He cares. He does. He isn't a God who sits, watching our lives like a movie, but instead, has an active role in orchestrating them. I have found that just as the Bible says, when I seek God with all my heart, I WILL find Him. I just wish I knew He was waiting for me. I'm thankful that no matter what happened, God has always been there with outstretched arm, waiting with a hug for me. She was loved more than she ever knew.
Never have I experienced a larger outpouring of love than this year through the many tests and trials I have exereinced. Every prayer, kind word, and hug means more than I could ever tell you. There is power in the phrase "I'm praying for you." There is love in a (gentle) hug or pat on the arm. There is comfort in the question "How are you...really?"
I love little acts of kindness and I witnessed SO many this year and especially throughout my birthday celebrations. I am amazed at how many people took time to say/sing happy birthday, give me a hug, give me a gift, or let me know what I mean to them. Life is far too short to not tell people how wonderful they are. While I may not be able to tell every single person right away, I am going to start trying. Because with the amount of love I receive on a daily basis, I never want anyone to doubt how I feel about them.
19 was a good year. A great year. A fun year. Although trials occured, they always do, I made it. I made it to 20. I am one year further into my crazy life's journey and I couldn't be more thrilled with how this year started. I can't wait to see what adventures are in store throughout the next 51 weeks.
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