I'm not strong enough.

“I hear religious minded people say all the time with good intentions. ‘God will never place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it.’

Really?

My experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone. He will break your back and your will. He will buckle your legs until you fall flat beneath the crushing weight of your load. All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him.

‘My power is made perfect in your weakness,’ He says, as we strain under our burden.
Whatever the burden, it might indeed get worse, but know this-God is faithful. And while we change and get old, He does not. When we get weaker, He remains strong. And in our weakness and humility, He offers us true, lasting, transforming, and undeserved grace.”

-Greg Lucas

When talking to people about my medical conditions, they often say to me:

"You're so strong."

"God wouldn't give you this if He knew you couldn't handle it."

"You handle this so well."

"God won't give you more than you can handle."

Excuse me? Then God must think I am Wonder Woman or someone with miraculous powers. I am just me, Stacie Lawrence, vulnerable, weak, and apparently misunderstood for being able to handle much more than I can. 

I'm not strong, but my God is. The only reason that I am able to face each day is because God faces it with me, holding my hand. The only reason I am at peace with my conditions, is because God has allowed me to be tested and experience some discomfort. The only reason that I am ready for heart surgery is because God is the great physician. The only reason that I am not scared of death is because I know God is waiting for me on the other side. He is my refuge. He is my peace. 

So as for this verse: 

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." -1 Corinthians 10:13

I take this to mean a temptation (sin), not a struggle or trial. God provides ways to escape temptations of sin, but I don't believe that an escape is always available for a struggle or trial. What escape do I have from my heart condition? What escape do I have from my connective tissue disorder? No, this is an ongoing battle, an uphill fight, something I must deal with each day. It is a part of my life, it is making me better, but no, I cannot handle it on my own. 

God has used my life and more specifically the last 5 years to work on my heart. He has shown me the struggle. He has broken me down. He has watched me fall apart and call out His name, waiting for me to surrender. And so I have. I have surrendered my body, my life, my circumstances, my will, and my all... to my Lord and Savior who can make all things new. To my God who will guide me in the right direction and protect my heart, physically and emotionally. 

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:10

If it is for His glory, I will gladly endure it. Not from my own strength, but from His. Because God knows that I am not strong enough on my own.