What you don't see.

Every day I wake up, just like you. Every day, I roll out of bed, maybe I little less gracefully than you. Every day, I take 8-10 medications, probably not like you. Every day, I decide how much I want to fight to appear healthy, not like you.

Some days, it's easier than others. Just like any illness, I have my good days and bad days. That's what people seem to have the most trouble understanding - I'm not always so sick, but I'm not always so healthy. "But you were fine yesterday."
"But today, I am not."

You see, maybe the reason I am not fine today is because I was yesterday. Sometimes it's as if I borrow tomorrow's healthy time to use on today, but you always pay later when you borrow from another day. Sometimes people forget I am ill because they don't see what goes on behind the scenes. They only see me laughing and enjoying myself in their company, but never give a thought to what I did or am sacrificing to be there.

A trip to the movies for example. For this simple activity, I climbed into my car and drove a half hour to the movie theater. Adjusting my position every few minutes to prevent back and shoulder pain. I popped a pain pill while driving because I knew I would be in worse pain later if I did not. I dried out my knee brace in the bathroom with the hand dryer because it was raining when I walked into the theater. I wiggled and squirmed through the movie so no limbs would fall asleep and my back wouldn't hurt too badly. I bumped your arm at least 20 times while picking up and putting down my water so I would not die of thirst or cough too loudly. I then hobbled out of the movie theater and back into my car where I settled in for another half hour drive home in pain. I climbed into bed with a heating pad, knee wrap, more pain medication, and pain as if I had just returned from running a marathon. But you saw me smile, you saw me laugh, you saw me have a wonderful time.

I don't fake the fun I have. I could not make it through the day without the love and company of my dear family and friends. But sometimes people don't think. Sometimes people don't understands. Sometimes you are misjudged for things out of your control. But I would not endure so much, if I did not want to spend time with you. Every time I leave my bed, let alone my house, it is a sacrifice physically and sometimes emotionally, but I do it every day. I do it because while "my outward 'man' is perishing, my inward 'man' is being renewed every day. And I know this light affliction is worth far more in the eternal weight of glory."

I may have to hold my body together with braces and tape. I may need heat and ice to move my joints and muscles. I may endure things other know nothing about, but it is worth it. The time I spend living far outweighs the time I spend trying to stay alive.