Just keep swimming...

Last week, I hung out in a pool with some girlfriends. Typically, I am very lazy when I "swim" and only stand around and talk or maybe wade around a little bit. This time, I decided to try to be a little more active.

My sister and a friend climbed out of the pool so they could run and jump in. "I'm coming too!" I said pulling myself up out of the pool. I ran, I jumped, and swam back to the surface. I then felt a pulling in my leg and realized that I had dislocated my hip. I tried to swim it off, but it ached for several minutes.

After recovering from the dislocation, I decided to do a handstand in the water. I held my breath, went under, and pushed myself up into a handstand. It was going well, until I lost my balance and flipped over. Anytime I am upside down or flip suddenly, my heart palpitates and I become disoriented; this was no exception.

After this, I decided to take it easy for awhile. I swam around a little, talked with friends, and just enjoyed the weightlessness and pain free feeling I have when my body is submerged in water.

Then we decided we just had to create a wave pool. So we began jumping up and down in the water, splashing, having fun, and making huge waves. But after a few big jumps, my bad knee decided that it had had enough  It quickly gave out, popped, and the pain hit.

After this, I decided I just can't do anything fun... but not really. I just realized that I have to take it easy. I have to think of my bad knee, my dislocating hips, and my frail heart. I have to realize that I can't do what everybody else can. I have to know when to stop, when to rest, and when I have had enough. I'm getting there...slowly.

But whatever currently ails me, I know I have to keep pressing forward. Whether that is running, walking, crawling, or from a wheelchair, I'll keep on moving.

"When life get's you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."

Fall down 7 times, stand up 8.

I fall a lot. All the time. Almost daily. Thankfully, I'm always able to get up. Usually it's by crossing my feet, putting my hands on the ground by my sides, and firmly pushing up until I'm standing again. Other times it's by grabbing the nearest piece of furniture that is sturdy enough to pull on. And then there are times when the only way that I can stand is by allowing someone to offer a hand and pull me to my feet.

A few weeks ago, I had the joy of volunteering with Madison County 4-H Camp as an adult counselor. This was my seventh year attending camp and my second year as an adult volunteer. I know the routine of camp well and I enjoyed every moment. 

Of course with my medical issues, camp was very interesting. I visited the health care provider on site four times a day for medication. (I tied for 'most medications' with 10 different prescriptions.) The HCP and I were on a first name basis by the end of day one. Barbara was great and even gave me a hot pack when my shoulder pain became too much to bear. 

Luckily, I have grown up with our wonderful 4-H agents and they know me and my medical conditions very well. They gave me a job at camp where I could be inside the only air conditioned building and have a little extra time to rest in the afternoons. I also had some great friends at my side through camp who understood what I could do and helped me with the things I couldn't. My mom was also there which of course helps anybody to feel better-knowing their mommy is nearby. 

The camp week was great thanks to all these amazing individuals and the girls in my cabin, who were so much fun! Despite my usual aches and pains, I made it through the week only a little sleep deprived and extremely exhausted. 

Things were great, but on the last night, I had a fall. I was returning to my cabin after taking a shower and grabbing a snack in our counselor lounge. Due to my own issues and some poorly lit stairs, I fell. Hard. I missed the bottom step, when I landed my ankle gave out and I found myself standing on the outside of my ankle. Then I heard a pop from my bad knee as I hit the pavement. All of this happened in about a second and a half, but it plays in slow motion over and over again in my mind.

Luckily two of those people who know me well were with me when it happened. They were at my side immediately, sitting on the ground with me somehow knowing just what to do. The other people around went into a panic, rattling off medications, bandaids, ice, and people they could get to help. "I'm fine," I muttered through tear filled eyes. Crying because of the physical pain and hoping nothing was sprained, but also because it was at that moment that I again realized, I'm not like everybody else. 

My 4-H agent while kneeling beside me asked where my knee brace was and then told me I wasn't allowed to cry because he would too. (He also admitted that my blog sometimes makes him cry too. Sorry!) This made me laugh a little, but for whatever reason I still couldn't stop crying.

One of my best friends, also sitting beside me, sat silently, but I knew he was there and that was all I needed. I don't think I have ever seen anyone appear at my side so quickly and make their presence known without saying much at all. 

After wiggling my ankle and knee, I put out my hands and was helped to my feet. I was trying to make a quick escape to avoid the strangers around me seeing me cry, but my friend wouldn't let me leave without a hug, which only produced more tears. I hobbled back to my cabin, tears flowing freely. Thankfully my cabin was asleep, except mom who immediately  had a supposed-to-be-an-adult, crying Stacie in her arms. 

Yes, it was just a fall. I trip constantly, but I usually catch myself. I fall down, but it doesn't hurt so much. I laugh it off, but this time it was just different. I lost a little pride (and some movement in my ankle). 

Sometimes it's okay to fall down. Sometimes it's okay to take a hand and take some help. Sometimes it's okay to cry. And sometimes it's okay to not be okay. But it's never okay to not stand back up.