Healing from within

People always ask how they can pray for me. I understand, people like specific requests. I do too. In fact, I always ask for very specific prayers anytime I am heading to an appointment, having some medical issues, or whatever it may be. But sometimes prayer requests are general too.

The one I tell people most often is to pray for my healing. Now while that may seem to be pretty specific, I believe God could bring healing in so many different ways. I could have one of multiple different surgery options, my pain could be relieved, we could find new medication, new doctors, new treatment options, new research for me to be tested under, my aneurysm just shrinking... or maybe it is a healing from within.

Always when I have asked friends and family to pray for my healing I have meant it in a physical sense. Until recently that is always how I prayed for myself. About three weeks ago, I briefly spoke to my friend's mom about a book she had loaned me. In this book, the author is dealing with her own various medical conditions that leave her unable to lead a 'normal' life, but completely able to glorify God with her beautiful attitude towards life. She had to work for that attitude... She said before anything could happen physically, she needed to experience healing from within - a spiritual healing. I believe that this is what I need as well.

Everyone always compliments me on how well I handle what I have been dealt in this life. While I try to be happy and strong, I don't always succeed. Sometimes I find myself angry because I can't do what everyone else does. I get sad because I am overwhelmed with the trials of a normal 19 year old college student and then have medical conditions piled on top. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. But that is no way to live. 

Overall am I happy? Most definitely. Do I try to not let these trials get me down? Of course. Do I always succeed? No. No I do not. But that's okay because I am not finished. I'm still working on becoming all that created me to be. While some people would say this is random, chance, or just life, I say they are mistaking. I firmly believe I am in this particular situation because it is exactly where God wants me to be. I don't understand the reasoning yet, but I know someday that either in this life or the next God's purpose and plan will be revealed.

So until then, I have to keep pressing forward towards my calling - to live this life for my Heavenly Father. Will it be easy? Not at all. Can I do it? I believe with God's help and the continued prayer and support of my friends and family great things can come from my struggles. I can be healed from the inside out.

So for those of you who pray for my physical healing, thank you so much. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for your prayers, friendship, love, and support. But if you would like to add "healing from within" when you pray for me, I would appreciate that as well.

I'm struggling, but I'm not afraid to share that. Because as a child of God, I know I am not perfect, but I have Christ's perfect sacrifice to make up for that. So I won't give up. I'll keep living and searching for my reason and purpose in this life. I will keep thanking God for each breath I have been given.