Every time I go to an appointment I hear the same things...
Your heart looks great!
Maybe you just need to exercise more; that's why you're short of breath.
I don't know why you're in pain, because everything looks fine.
You don't really want surgery.
sfsahfhasfuihilsuhfuhushfukywuhfihslf - doctor words they only say to sound intelligent-
I am not okay. I am not fine. I am in pain. I hurt. I am ready to feel better. I am ready to be healed. Whatever that means. Whether it is a new medicine, treatment, pain management, a change in measurements, surgery, or just someone who actually listens to me and cares. I just don't want to travel seven hours to a top ranked hospital to hear the same old stuff.
People always pray for me when I make these trips to the doctor, which I greatly appreciate, but I think maybe I should be more specific with how I want people to pray. Every six months when I report back to my friends and family that I do not yet need surgery and that my aneurysm is about the same size, they all say...
Praise the Lord!
So thankful you got good news!
Whew, no surgery!
That's awesome!
Glad you got a good report!
I love all of these people dearly, but after years of hearing this same thing from the doctors, it gets old. Nobody else seems to understand my frustration of staying in the same place, living my life six months at a time, and never really getting any answers. Maybe this is a test of patience for me. Maybe God isn't quite ready to bring my physical healing until I have learned my lessons, grown more as a person, and gained a better understanding of His will. But whatever is going on, I am tired.
So tomorrow as I head to Cleveland, I pray for peace of mind. I pray for a humble heart. I pray for answers. I pray for something different. I pray for His will. I pray for guidance. I pray for safety. I pray for emotional security. I pray for healing. His healing. Whatever it is. However He wants to bring it. I know He will - in His time. So for now I will wait, I will hope, and I will pray.
For those of you who want to pray for me in this journey, please do. But please don't pray for God to hold off my surgery. Don't pray for my aneurysm not to grow. Pray for God to move. Pray for His will to be done. Pray for His healing to begin. Pray for answers. Pray for change. Pray for me to have peace, acceptance, and happiness in whatever news I receive. Pray. Pray. Pray.
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