"I just don't know how you are so happy with all that you have to deal with."
"You're just so optimistic."
"I don't think I would handle this as well as you do."
Usually I respond with thank you or just smile, but inside other thoughts run through my mind. What choice do I have? Why would I just sit and feel sorry for myself all of the time? I've got too many dreams to fulfill to just lay around and cry. God has a plan. This will bring Him glory. Somehow, someway. This is part of a divine plan. This is not for nothing.
But despite knowing all of those things, sometimes I don't always handle it like people think I do. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I break down on my boyfriend when he tells me he is sorry that I hurt, or with my girls at Bible study when I share my struggles, or even on my preacher when I am asking for prayer for my next appointment. Sometimes I'm not so graceful about it. Sometimes I can't handle it. Sometimes I just need a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, a big hug, or somebody just to listen. Thankfully I have many angels in my life, watching out for me, asking if I am okay, helping me with things they know I can't do on my own, and praying for me. Thank you to my many angels.
Of course the best shoulder to cry on, hand to hold, or someone to dry my tears is my Heavenly Father. Because even though this life and these problems seem like a torrential down pouring of pain, He still sees the good in it. Because when I cry out to Him again and again, He dries my tears and reminds me that He has a plan. He lets me know that He has blessed me with this life, with this story, with these problems, and these pains because it will bring Him glory. Somehow, someway, someday. He shows me that this is NOT for nothing. He is definitely up to something bigger than I could ever imagine. That is what keeps me going. That is why I get out of bed every morning. It's why I smile through my many tears. It's why I so freely share my story with everyone. It's why I can make jokes about my conditions. It's why I am me... It's part of me. It is me.
So however God decides to show His glory, I am happy to be a part of it. Sometimes that is my prayer to Him: "God, show me your glory today." Sometimes I pray for His plan to be revealed, for others to be helped through my conditions, or just to know what He is up to. But whatever it is, I will walk through this storm with Him holding my hand because I KNOW the blue skies and rainbows are ahead. I know that storms never last forever and that sunshine always follows. And ultimately I know that after this painful life, glory, peace, and happiness await me in Heaven.
My very good friend and fellow 'EDSer' said... "I guess it just means more to Him if we have to dislocate our shoulders to raise our hands to Him, or pop out our jaws to sing to Him, and the 'Sacrifice of praise' takes on a whole new meaning."
That it does. So whatever it takes... I will praise my Lord.
I will open my mouth with coughs and a weak voice to sing His praises.
I will raise my hyper-extended arms to give Him glory.
I will sit in church barely able to hold myself up to be edified by my church family.
I will walk on my ever twisting ankles wherever He leads me.
I will close my tear filled eyes to petition Him in prayer.
I will keep my wandering mind focused on the blessings He provides.
I will remind my defective, enlarged, and fearful heart that it belongs to Him.
I will tell my painful, yet wonderful story again and again to bring encouragement to others.
I will stand up for God - always - even though I get dizzy.
I will remind myself every single day that this is His story, for His glory, not for mine.
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
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