I will praise Him in the hallway.

Loeys-Dietz Syndrome is a connective tissue disorder that creates joint instability and involves Bicuspid Aortic Valve Disorders and aneurysms... my exact heart condition. This is the syndrome I am being tested for. It's very similar to what I am currently diagnosed with, EDS, except EDS doesn't involve my heart condition. People with Loeys-Dietz Syndrome (LDS) often have aneurysms that dissect or rupture at smaller sizes than those with other connective tissue disorders.

When the doctors told me this could be a possibility instead of EDS, I didn't quite understand what it could mean. Mostly because the doctor wouldn't answer my questions. I am the type of person who wants to know the answers to every possible circumstance that could take place. Doctors don't like to think that way. So every time I asked my cardiologist, "What if...?" he would reply with, "Let's just wait and see what you have." So this left me with nothing except that I must wait.

Yesterday the cardiologist called. He called to chat about my test results, but mom finally got some answers to my "what if" questions. The biggest one being: what if this genetic test for LDS is positive? If the test comes back negative, we are right back where we were. If it comes back positive, the cardiologist said that his recommendation would be open heart surgery and that he will be referring us to a surgeon. Big, big, big news.

I've waited my entire life to be this close to open heart surgery. I've prepared. I've read. I've talked to others who have been through the surgery. I've talked to doctors, specialists, surgeons. My case has even been taken before the surgery review board and been turned down. I've prayed and prayed for answers. Maybe they are finally here.

I've said some prayers and shed some tears since the cardiologist called yesterday. I've even laughed a little because I prayed for something different and well, this is definitely different. So for now, what else can I do but pray and wait? The problem is I'm not quite sure what to pray for. I'm not quite sure what to tell others to pray for.

I don't want people to pray for the test to be negative. Because I don't want to be stuck back where I was. I don't know that I want people to pray the test is positive either because frankly, open heart surgery is number one on my list of fears. So I guess what I want prayer for is that God will provide us with the best option for me and my health right now. I want prayer for peace, understanding, and courage. Regardless of the outcome of this test, it's a scary thing. I want prayer that we get the results back quickly so the waiting isn't so long and I can make the other decisions that will fit around whether or not we are pursuing surgery. Things like school and whether or not I will be going back in a few weeks.

I just want answers. Because waiting is the hardest part. Waiting and wondering what will happen. But I'll wait as long as I need to because God is good and He has a plan. I am hoping that this is the plan finally unfolding. So here I stand, hands lifted in prayer and praise for the God who has never failed me and never will. And until he opens the next door, I will praise Him in the hallway.