8 year old undies and the faith of a mustard seed

The summer before I started fifth grade, my mom took me on our annual back to school shopping trip. We bought school supplies, shoes, and new clothes. I specifically remember buying a certain pair of underwear. They were blue with purple flowers and had sparkles all over them. We bought them at JC Penney in one of those 5 for $15 deals or something like that. Why do I remember this specific pair of underwear, you may be wondering. Because up until last August, they still occupied space in my underwear drawer. That's right, I kept a pair of underwear for almost eight years. It would have made sense if they still fit, but they didn't fit after oh, seventh grade. So there were about five years that this pair of underwear sat in my drawer without being worn or thrown away...they just sat there. The worst part is that I saw them every time I moved things around in my drawer or put my laundry away. I knew they were there and I didn't throw them away. I knew they were there and were completely useless and yet I didn't do anything about it.

Tonight in church the sermon was about faith. The speaker talked about how having just the faith the size of a mustard seed was a big deal because Jesus said we could replant trees and move mountains with even just that much faith. The speaker even had mustard seeds passed around so we could see just how small they were. They were so tiny. I don't think that I had ever actually seen a real mustard seed before. It amazes me how Jesus said we could do so much with that little faith. It makes me wonder, how big is my faith?

In closing out the sermon, the speaker read this passage:

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                                       -Hebrews 12:1-2

He then said something that I hope I never forget. He said, "When we have true faith in Jesus, we are changed by it." Now, I know when I became a Christian, I was changed. I was forgiven. I was made new. But now that I have been a Christian for five years, am I continuing to change or am I at the same place I was five years ago, or two years ago, or six months ago, or even last week? Because if I am not striving every single day to be better for God and to make my faith stronger then what is the point? There isn't one. 

The next thing the speaker said was in order for our faith to grow stronger, we must do just what Hebrews 12:1 says, we must lay aside our weights. What could our weights be? Our sin, our strife, our stress, absolutely anything that keeps us from serving God to our fullest capacity, anything that distracts us from "keeping our eyes on the prize" - Jesus. This can literally be anything. For me, I get distracted and weighed down with school, with friendships, with relationships, with family, and with my medical conditions. I get so caught up in MY life that I forget that Jesus should consume my time, my thoughts, and my life. I forget...or do I ignore?

Now you may be thinking, okay is a funny story about undies or an inspirational message or just a bunch of random thoughts...? Maybe it is a little of all three. I kept my underwear for eight years because it was easier to leave them there than to throw them away. I was lazy. It had become something I was comfortable with because I had it for so long. I just couldn't leave my comfort zone. Because I didn't want to let go if I couldn't find something better first. I didn't know what the future held. I was afraid.

Why do I become complacent in my relationship with God? It's easier to stay where I am than to put in the effort to make things better. I'm lazy. I'm comfortable with where I am. What if God asks me to do something that I don't feel like I can do? I just can't leave my comfort zone. I want to be in control because I don't know what the future holds. I am afraid. 

Whether it's a fight with a friend, a bad grade on a test, or a new challenge in my medical journey, sometimes I feel like I just can't give it up. I can't let go. I can't give it to God. I say that I have faith, but do I really? I so desperately want to grow in my faith. I want to be made better. And maybe writing this will help me to stick with it. I consider my relationship with God to be a very personal journey, but maybe I need to share my struggles with other people. After all, God did ask us to pray for one another and offer encouragement. So maybe this is a good place to share this new concept. 

I don't want to stay right here for the rest of my life. God didn't ask me to become a Christian and then stop. He asked me to become a Christian and follow Him daily. He asked me to study His word, talk to Him constantly, and share His love with others. He asked me to lay down my weights and distractions, look to my savior, and run to Him. 

Just like finally throwing away that old pair of undies that only took up useful drawer space, today I need to rid my life of spiritual distractions. This doesn't mean throwing them away like my underwear, it just means I need to move them to the proper place in my drawer, or my heart. Jesus wants a place in my heart too and He will have it. Everything else has to fit around Jesus instead of me trying to fit Jesus around my life. God gets to hold my distractions, worries, cares, sins, problems, and strife. 

He gets to hold my hand and my heart.

So since I am surrounded by such amazing Christians who have gone on before me and wonderful influences in my life now, I will lay aside my strife, sin, and struggles so that I won't get distracted from God with this world. I will press on in my Christian journey with patience, keeping my eyes on the prize - Jesus, my savior and friend, who happily and willfully took my place on the cross and died so that I could live with Him.  He is waiting for me at the right hand of God. 

Today, I want to start changing. I want to be different. I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to run to Jesus and give Him everything because I just can't handle this world without Him. I want to never give up and never become complacent with my relationship with God. So right now, I pray that God will help me to give it all to him and simply let it go.